|
|
Number 455 - Actual Insight so tomorrow i can start moving stuff into my new house. i am really excited about it. i should probably start packing more boxes today so i can get a head start. that would probably help. the only reason i haven't yet, is well, there really isn't any room to put packed boxes in this place. there's a couch and a chair in the back of the truck which will probably get moved first, along with a box filled with porno mags, books, and other random stuff. i could pack up the rest of the little stuff today and have it ready to go tomorrow. i need to see debby in the morning, but as soon as i get home, i'm packing more shit. i don't think we'll be able to get into the house until later in the day, so i should have time to keep packing. i really can't wait. now that the move is tomorrow, i think it's really starting to hit me. i'm leaving seymour. holy hell. i've been wanting to get out of here for a long time now, and it's not like i'm going far away or anything, just derby, but still, it feels a little weird to be leaving the town i've lived in for my whole life. i'm not going to be right down the road from my mom's house anymore. i'm not going to know my way around my town like i do here. it'll be a little different, but i'm sure i'll get used to it. that and, come next fall, i'll be off at school, so maybe moving now will help me transition to that. hopefully. having mike with me will make it easier too. today is our four month anniversary. it's a little weird seeing that typed out, because it feels like i've known him for a long time and that's definitely not a bad thing. i can see myself many years down the road typing "today is our 20th wedding anniversary but it feels like we've been together our whole lives and nothing could make me happier." because that is the honest to god truth. a lot of shit has gone down this year. a lot of things have changed. a lot of people have gone in and out of my life, and of course, it's affected me. i've learned a lot of things about relationships and people, some good and bad, and in the end... i've learned that people change. a lot. and people really only care about themselves and i am just as guilty of that as anyone else. i want to be happy. i want to have the things that make me happy and if someone tries to stop me, i will do what is necessary to get it anyway. everyone is like that and i've come to realize that no matter what is going on in your life, your friends' lives, your family's lives, you need to stay focused on yourself. don't get caught up in drama, don't put your life on hold for anyone, and definitely don't ever give up. giving up is the worst thing anyone could do for themself. if you have to, say "fuck it" to everything else and go full speed ahead to whatever your goal might be. hopefully, it's a goal that will benfit you, but no matter what it is, reach for it. always, always reach for it. "the worst thing in life is a quitter" heard that one before? well, it's true. don't ever quit because people say you're not capable. don't ever quit because you feel like you can't go on. and especially don't ever quit because you're afraid. i've been afraid for a long time. afraid people wouldn't accept me, afraid of losing people, afraid of being alone. but now, after not being accepted, losing people, and being alone, i've found out that it isn't all that bad. life does go on, and as long as you don't quit, it'll be worth it in the end. update later. |